


I forget you knew him too

by yosef_the_tycoon



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Compliant, BAMF Peggy Carter, Bucky Barnes Feels, Gen, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, Light Angst, Minor Bucky Barnes/Steve Rogers, Minor Peggy Carter/Steve Rogers, Natasha Romanov Has Issues, Natasha Romanov Is Not A Robot, Natasha Romanov Is a Good Bro, Old Peggy Carter, POV Steve Rogers, Steve Rogers Feels, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, You're Welcome, and reminiscing about the past, and that's literally it, ft Steve and Nat being bros, it's brief just read carefully, that's the whole fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-29
Updated: 2020-05-29
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:00:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24432463
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yosef_the_tycoon/pseuds/yosef_the_tycoon
Summary: Steve notices something in the way that Natasha lines up a rifle to snipe, or the way that she draws her pistol. She reminds him of Peggy. He thinks perhaps its because everything that doesn't remind him of Bucky reminds him of Peggy.
Relationships: Steve Rogers & Natasha Romanov
Kudos: 20





	I forget you knew him too

**Author's Note:**

> did I find this buried alongside a million other unposted fics? perhaps. is this a mess? even more perhaps. is it 3 am? definitely. but time isn't real so it's fine
> 
> ft brainwashed assassins (so murder) and brief mentions of implied sexual assault. so just be aware if that affects you. stay safe boys
> 
> anyhow enjoy this mess of a study on Steve and natasha's friendship, aka my brotp

Steve notices something in the way that Natasha lines up a rifle to snipe, or the way that she draws her pistol. She reminds him of Peggy. He thinks perhaps its because everything that doesn't remind him of Bucky reminds him of Peggy.

He says as much. He expects a wolfish grin or something neutral. Instead her face is open and almost sympathetic.

"I knew her, y'know," she says. "She was a good woman. One of the best I've ever met. In every way."

"She was," Steve says, feeling something behind his eyes. His memories often feel as though they're his to bear alone, with no one to share them.

"I know where she is," Natasha says, and his heart jumps. He wants to be angry that she hasn't told him until now, but he can't. As though she's read his mind, she says, "I convince SHIELD to let me be the in eto tell you...I'm sorry I didn't tell you before. I thought it would be better to wait until you adjusted. You still remember her the way was."

"She must be..." he says, trailing off as he tries to work out her age.

"Old," Natasha says, with a small smile at her own joke. Her eyes look sad. "She stayed sharp and working for a really long time. She has Alzheimer's now. Do you want to see her?"

Somehow her age hardly occurred to him until now. It seemed like just a few months ago that she was young. Still. He feels so alone. Perhaps she does too, even if she can't remember. "Yes. Yes I'd like to see her."

It's hard. Really hard. But it's worth it. Natasha waits in the car outside and doesn't push him to talk.

She's by his side when Bucky comes back, too. She's steady as a river - always shifting but never changing. It's chaos and he knows she feels it too, but he's glad she's by his side. They haven't spent enough time together to be real friends but she understands him, and he thinks he understands her too. She's his friend in the way that the Howling Commandos were his friends - favourite colours don't matter when you've survived hell together.

But the way she lines up a shot and draws her pistol, something in the way she moves, it reminds him of Bucky too.

It's almost a year later that she tells him.

He's on the news, and they're sitting on the couch together. She looks at him and searches his face. Natasha is always guarded, but she looks somehow more guarded and more open than he's seen her.

"I knew him, Steve," she says, her tone carefully level. "He helped train me."

She doesn't talk about her training. The others will mention a childhood anecdote once in a while, whether it's funny or happy or scary or disgusting or sad. But Natasha remains tight lipped.

Stark hated that, of course. But she has their backs on the field, and that's the kind of trust that doesn't need words.

All they know is that she calls her childhood her training, and it was bad.

"Train you?" Steve asks, because he knows she won't tell him much, but he needs to know about those missing years under Hydra.

"The Russian government had a kind of deal with Hydra," she tells him, still searching his face. He does his best not to suppress his expressions. "They brought him in to train us - American idioms, sniping, a sparring partner. That kind of thing."

"What was he like?" Steve asks. He knows his tone is too hushed but he needs to know.

"We only knew him as Soldat. Soldier, I guess," Natasha tells him, her voice still even. "They took most of the Bucky out, put what they wanted back in. But I went on enough missions with him to know him."

"He's still in there," Steve says, confirming what he already knew.

"He wasn't...like you knew him. I don't think. But I remember the first time we spoke in English, and I realised he was American." She smiles with a soft exhale the way that someone else might laugh. "Offered me cigarettes right away - I mean, I was fourteen. He said his name was James - Yakov."

"His first name," Steve remembers, because even back then he forgot that Bucky wasn't his birth name. It was what everyone called him, even his mother.

"They wiped him over and over, Steve. But he stayed a good person. It was relative, of course - it's hard to explain. But he would never let children be harmed, did the minimum damage. Even when he couldn't tell me his own name, he did what he could to stay good." Her tone is stronger, no longer level, and Steve realises that she cared for him too. Like with Peggy, he suddenly feels less alone.

"He was the only one of him, Steve, but there were plenty of memory wiped trainers and guards. Men without inhibitions and with physical control of young girls - well," she shrugs all too dismissively. "He was never, ever like that. Even when they asked him to. I just want you to know that no matter what anyone thinks, he was always good, even though he wasn't always Bucky."

Steve feels that pressure behind his eyes again. Because the love he felt for his childhood friend is unconditional, but no one could be entirely unconcerned by 'brainwashed assassin'. To confirm what he knew, that the Soldier was good and Bucky still inside, is a relief. He also feels something twist at Natasha's small not-confessions.

"Thank you, Natasha," he tells her. "I know you don't talk about this, so I appreciate it, really. Thank you for telling me about him."

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner," she says, and Steve doesn't doubt it.

It's years later, and he's looking at Bucky's closed Hydra file. He's dissolved with the rest of the world, but Steve still hasn't read the files.

He feels Natasha standing at the door more than sees her. "I know it doesn't make a difference if I read these or not."

She sits in the chair opposite. There are lines in her forehead that weren't there before.

"We'll bring them back," she says, a kind of mantra that neither of them totally believe any more.

"I miss him," Steve says, for the thousand-and-first time.

"I know," she says, softly. She lets him search her face, looking for something and not knowing what.

"I forget," he says. "That you knew him too."

"Whatever it takes," she reassures him. "I'll get him back to you. We'll bring them all back."

**Author's Note:**

> my brain mashed sniper and rifle and now all I can think about is sniple


End file.
